Theologically Sound. Culturally Relevant.

Francis Collins

Mike Lindell, Francis Collins Win Big At First Ever Eva Awards

In Evangelical Dark Web’s year end livestream, after a review of the top stories of 2021, there’s an award show portion that celebrates the highlights of the year. Mike Lindell set the record last night winning two awards. Biggest Hack and Biggest Scammer, for creating a social media platform for his fan club and promising to have indisputable proof of a kraken relating to the 2020 election. Francis Collins won the prestigious award of Church Villain of the year for it being uncovered his involvement in the creation of the coronavirus via gain of function research as well as his status as a high priest of Branch Covidianism. Francis Collins, despite this villainy, is still a mostly celebrated figure in Big Eva circles. No argument could be formulated against Francis Collins winning this award.

Other highlights include Ed Litton winning Worst Teacher for his plagiarism scandal and Donald Trump winning Worst Politician for how much he’s hemorrhaged his base peddling the vaccine gospel. Additionally, Rod Martin received Church Hero for his work fighting for the Southern Baptist Convention.

Best Teacher: Russell Fuller

Worst Teacher: Ed Litton

Church Hero: Rod Martin.

Church Villain: Francis Collins

Best Church: Providence Baptist Church (NYC)

Worst Church: McLean Bible Church

Most Overrated: The Jab

Most Underrated: Ivermectin

Underreported: Vaccine Injuries/Death

Overreported: Dave Chappelle’s latest comedy special

Biggest Surprise: The Suicide Squad (enjoyable movie despite atrocious trailer)

Biggest Disappointment: Dan Bongino (backing down from fight with Cumulus Radio)

Biggest Scam/Scammer: Mike Lindell

Biggest Bum: Connor McGregor

Player Hater: David French

Best Actor: Benedict Cumberbatch

Worst Actor: Colin Kaepernick

Athlete: Aaron Rodgers

Musician: Eric Clapton (audience nominated)

Entrepreneur: Andrew Torba

Best Politician: Ron DeSantis

Worst Politician: Donald Trump

Activist: Australian Protesters

LARP(er): Chris and Dana Loesch

Hack: Mike Lindell

Rookie: My newborn daughter obviously (but for everyone else probably MTG)

Comeback: Fascism

Best Movie: The Courrier

No Award Given For Best TV Show

Best Book: Faucian Bargain

No Award given for Best Video Game

Worst Movie: The Many Saints of Newark

Worst TV Show: Santa Inc.

Worst Book: Jesus and John Wayne

No award given for Worst Video Game

Meme of the Year: Tie between Fed Memes surrounding “Justice for J6” and Binger pointing an AR at jury

NPC (Non-player character): The Gospel Coalition

Mangina: Governor Larry Hogan

Chad: Kyle Rittenhouse

Loser: J6 protestors

Winner: Pfizer/Moderna

Support the Evangelical Dark Web

It's not about the money. It's about supporting the mission in contending for the faith against false doctrines. Consider becoming a member of the Evangelical Dark Web. If you aren't willing, comfortable, or able to, that's cool. And if you still like our content, at least subscribe to the newsletter below.
Receive the Evangelical Dark Web Newsletter

Facebook
Twitter
LinkedIn
Pinterest

Leave a Reply