Christianity Today Calls Zyn A Soul-Sucking Leech

Liberals have noticed that they have lost the men, young men in particular. Whereas the Democrats have taken to solve this problem by appealing to degeneracy and sloth, Christianity Today likewise is trying to reach men by denouncing the use of Zyn nicotine pouches, decrying them as soul sucking leaches, in a melodramatic mystical monograph titled, Have Mercy on Me, a Zynner.

The article is written by Luke Simon, a seminary student at the woke Covenant Theological Seminary that Christianity Today has tapped to write about Gen Z and masculinity. Combining both, he confronts the pressing issue of Zyn.

I lost my nicotine virginity in a scene that would give a D.A.R.E. presenter goose bumps. An older student offered me a vape in our high school parking lot, and unfortunately, I just said yes. I still remember the first puff: the sting in my throat, the expectation, the possessing buzz. I was hooked. What started as a curiosity quickly turned into a reflex. Then a habit. Then a problem. By the time I entered college, I was ready to quit.

After a few failed attempts at quitting cold turkey, a friend advised weaning off vape with Zyn, so I tried it out. And they were right—sort of. The urge to hit a Juul soon faded, but the Zyn stayed.

Simon’s edgy writing style would be unironically comedic if he weren’t ridiculously histrionic throughout the rest of the article.

Second, the efficiency. Unlike cigarettes, you don’t stop to Zyn; you Zyn so you don’t have to stop. The nicotinekicks up dopamine and sharpens focus, providing enough fuel to push through an all nighter, a double shift, or back-to-back deadlines. As one college studentput it, “[Zyn] helps me narrow my focus onto what I’m doing in that moment and cut out distractions.” In this framing, Zyn isn’t a vice; it’s a productivity tool.

Yeah, sounds like Zyn is a healthier alternative to Adderall as well.

It’s not that nicotine addiction in the church is novel (users included C. S. Lewis and Charles Spurgeon, to name a few) or even that I think nicotine use is necessarily immoral. But I’m particularly concerned about Zyn. Though it may be healthier for the body compared to cigarettes and vapes, it can be far more lethal for the soul.

This is where the article becomes a lolcow to get milked, when Luke Simon says Zyn is toxic to the soul, particularly because it’s effectiveness at increasing focus in people. His argument is that it numbs the body and therefore replaces a reliance on God.

It’s not just me. There are many Gen Z men in churches right now quietly dependent on nicotine pouches. Zyn keeps them steady, focused, and emotionally level so subtly that their use of it goes unchallenged. This kind of self-medicated serenity is especially tempting for men, who are already taught to hide weakness and to power through pain. Zyn presents itself as an emotional sponge, soaking up just enough stress or sadness to keep us composed, driven, and in control. For young men chasing achievement and terrified of vulnerability, it makes it easier to “man up,” bury our feelings, and push forward without ever confronting what’s underneath.

But over time, the truth surfaces: Zyn isn’t a sponge; it’s a soul-sucking leech. You stop bringing your needy self to God because the ache that once drove you to him is gone. Your soul no longer pants for living water (Ps. 42:1) because the buzz has numbed its thirst.

I read this as someone who has never tried Zyn. But if quitting Zyn turns people into whiny seminarians, then nicotine pouch use should be encouraged. This is the hyperspiritualizing of the mundane in an effort to find moral superiority.

And, thus this article has become an internet laughing stock among the youth. Russell Moore is going to have to do better than this to reach the young men.