Theologically Sound. Culturally Relevant.


Satire: Worship Baal, Not Molech!

Without a doubt, 2022 has been a hectic year as were the years leading up to it. What was once fringe has been brought to the forefront. Even the medical establishment is promoting puberty blockers and chess binders. Their doctors describe so casually the intricate details of sex-change surgical procedures on the internet for all to see, and it is quite uncomfortable to the normal folks. They are even attempting to rationalize pedophilia of all things through the term Minor Attracted Person. Who would have thought that was possible? All these things are courtesy of the people worshiping their god, the mighty Molech, whose followers have normalized and promoted these wicked deeds within the culture. There is too much chaos and confusion. We need a return to normalcy—a return to tradition. We need to bring back Baal.

Since the beginning, Molech has enjoyed children being thrown into the fires as offerings for convenience and prosperity, but in these modern times, he is attracted to the utility the offerings possess for medical science. In recent years, Molech has been advocating abortion through birth and even after birth. Molech is all about the BDF energy and wants women to shout their abortions. He has gone insane. Shouting abortions is loud. It is emotional. What ever happened to “Safe, Legal, and Rare?” Baal is far more sensible. He knows that life begins at conception yet balances science with compassion for women. Exceptions for rape and incest—absolutely a must have for him. Second and third trimester bans—he seems amenable to the idea. Baal says to be like the other nations, like those in Europe.

Baal is reasonable. Unlike Molech, he knows the difference between a man and a woman. He partners with Asherah, who compliments him as an equal. Baal understands parental frustration with the priests and priestesses of Molech advocating his transformation ritual in the public schools. Molech wants children to find themselves, to casts themselves into his fires of passion and embrace their identity. Baal understands the negative effects these rituals can have and is against such rash decision making. That is why Baal believes children should wait until they are 18 to make these sorts of changes.

Molech loves his pride, but he keeps adding new colors to his flag and letters to his alphabet. It is too complicated. Baal’s pride flag has six colors and only four letters, just as it used to be. He keeps things simple and easy to remember. Baal does not care what two people do in the privacy of their homes, just keep it out of the classroom. Being on the subject of schools, Baal finds the porn and sex education in the classroom too much—there is plenty of it online for children to learn about sex from. He finds Molech redundant and shameless.

To Baal, there is gay and then there is queer. Children should not be dragged into bars to watch drag shows. It is too hectic for them and eerily reminiscent of strip clubs. Molech and his followers relish in the festivity—a bit too much. It sends the wrong message. Leave the drag show entertainment to professionals like RuPaul where there is greater quality control. Remember, Baal has standards. However, if you do not live up to the ideal standard, Baal does not judge. Arrange your room however you want, he says.

Let us return to Baal. His words are the wisdom we need for these turbulent times. Molech is too unstable, too unpredictable—we can never know what the standard is going to be next. Things were so much better under Baal. Why did we ever turn towards Molech?

I know what some of you are thinking: Baal can be pretty libertine. Maybe you believe some icy logical fallacy that he was responsible for the madness of Molech. Baal is relaxed and rational, not controlling. But if he is too hot, then there is a golden calf that could use polishing off.

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